Hi again, hope you’re all having a great week. If you’ve been following my little blog, you would have come across a recent post in which I explained that Princess Warrior would be going back to it’s origins as a simple voice of truth and a platform to share stories and experiences that we can all relate to. The blogger behind this raw, honest guest post is a brave woman I’ve had the privilege of knowing for over two years. Her name is Reeshni, and this is her tremendous and brave story:
What’s up, I’m Resh. I suffer from severe anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and I’m NOT ashamed.
I don’t really want to go into my “sob” story of bullying, peer pressure, family issues or even how I got diagnosed. However I want to break this down for people who are not familiar with mental health disorders.
First of all these disorders can affect anyone, of any age with any background. In my case my first attempted suicide was when I was 10. Yeah, 10 years old. So this is something I’ve dealt with for the majority of my life. Now I am tackling it all head on with psychology and I’m now trying to wean myself off my medication.
So let’s get into it!
Severe anxiety can mean a lot of different things, in my case I tend to have panic attacks. These used to send me into a frenzy of hyperventilating but over the years I have learnt coping mechanisms.
The same goes for bipolar disorder. Which is basically another term for manic depression. I have periods of lows and periods of highs and more often than not I’m in between.
Whereas borderline personality disorder doesn’t mean I switch into different people, it just means that sometimes my moods are so intense that I can act quite different to my normal personality.
I’ve always been hyper and out going, friendliness is my key to life. So when people ask about my self harm scars and I explain to them that I suffer from depression, it doesn’t always make sense to them.
Depression isn’t something that comes and goes, it’s something that lingers. It’s always there. I may seem “okay” most of the time but this does not mean my depression is cured.
I have days where I lay in bed refusing to leave and other days where I want to go out and befriend everyone I encounter. This is the reality of depression. It’s not always a sad face, it’s many different faces.
Thankfully enough I have the most amazing fiancé who has helped me cope with all of this. Before he and I got together I was terribly bulimic. Being a 1.80m tall Indian girl isn’t always flowers and sunshine. It’s excessively hard to fit in and naturally I tried to keep my weight as low down as possible in order to “fit in”. He taught me how to be confident within myself, embrace my height and love who I am; before I love anyone else.
This is something I strive to teach others. Self love is key. And no, I’m not saying that I love myself every day; there’s days where I refuse to look in the mirror and other days where I leave the house in sweats and an old tee and feel like I’m on top of the world. Now I’m not saying that I have the answers to dealing with self harm, eating disorders or personality disorders but I do know ways to cope with it.
So let’s start with eating disorders:
– It may seem impossible to love yourself at the moment, but look for one feature of yourself that you absolutely adore. Be it your hands, hair, nose, lips; no matter what it is focus on it.
– Now use that to build up your confidence. I personally love my hair. So I started taking more care of it. Making DIY hair masks and eventually dying it to the vibrant purple it is now.
-The more confident in that feature you feel, the more confident you’ll eventually feel in yourself. Nurture that feature, love it. And you’ll love yourself.
-The point of focusing on a certain feature is to distract your mind from the eating disorder. Over time you’ll learn healthier ways to cope with your weight like jogging, gym training or even playing a sport. But first you have to learn to love yourself.
Self harm and depression:
– I’ve put these two together because they go hand in hand. Self harm is generally caused by depression. My advice is to start self loving before anything else. Start with the feature idea.
– Then comes things to keep you busy…
I’m not the most artsy fartsy person but
I love getting my creative juices flowing. If you’re struggling, grab an exam pad, go onto YouTube and type in “origami tutorials”. These can keep you busy for hours on end whilst still giving you an amazing result. It’s simple things like these that cost nothing to keep your body free of scars. These ideas can also be used for anxiety, it’s calming and tranquil alone time.
All of these things have gotten me to where I am now but my most important piece of advice is for you to talk to someone. Be it a peer, a colleague, a teacher, a parent or even an anonymous hotline. Talking saves lives. It releases negative energy and makes room for so much more positivity.
A massive shout out goes to Cheyenne – The Princess Warrior herself – for allowing me to share my experiences on her gorgeous blog with her amazing followers.
Always remember that YOU are worth it.
Love and hugs:
To view Reeshni’s blog, Click here